Loosing Myself Never Felt so Good Before

The existence of pain in the world is a recurrent topic in my mind; it’s been a subject of my questions to God many times.


Acknowledging God’s everlasting love, and experiencing pain in parallel, is a difficult thing to understand, to reconcile, to say the least.

There’s just so much to this, but I’ll begin with reporting that it is in my lowest moments when, God’s power has brought perfection to my situation and even a new dimension of grace for me to access.



It is so radical and feels so special to see his spirit working out things in the times when I’ve reached the end of my self that I am GRATEFUL for those low moments.


 

Reaching the end of self (dying) is the pre party, right before you get to the real party, where you experience the power of his salvation, redemption, transformation, grace and glory (new life).


All of these are big words but they are big because they refer to experiences that exceed our own doing, these are experiences that have to be received, not produced by our effort.


 

Self, ego, pride; these all go hand by hand. Constantly trying to get bigger, more noticeable; encapsulating us into swollen balloons, ready to burst out at the smallest offense.




Our God is so respectful and straightforward that would never hijack our free will, it is indeed a gift from him.


And in order to welcome him into our lives, it is necessary to have awareness of our own incapacity to take care of things.


Ourselves are not capable of taking care of ourselves.

Our vision is onesided and small, we have no control of others, neither of the unexpected events that hit sometimes, and on top of everything, we are constantly acting against our well being, even in the times we believe we are doing the right thing.


I see that very clear on the day that I, for the first time went to Jesus in deep desperation to ask for help; I didnt know what I was doing, I was desperate.


I had no clue that He would actually help, I kind of felt like I was being silly but it was my only resource available...


I‘ m so happy now that I gave myself permission to believe, because I was indeed saved.


I was crying non stop, wasn’t able to see absolutely any good resolution to the situation I was, every single option would lead me to even more despair than what I was already.

I have to emphasize the depth of the pain I was feeling in my heart, I would only sleep through the day or cry, it was too much for me.

I was in trouble and even my loved ones were getting mixed into it.

 

Today I dare to write this because I can look back and have certainty that I am not alone in any challenge, there is another in the fire with me.



 

God is not a man, that he should lie” -Numbers


 

The Bible keeps advising us to “humble ourselves”:


That can only mean that to go against pride, is an act of self, of will. Lo

To ask for help, accept help, apologize, forgive, give kindness when treated unfairly, even to surrender one‘s will to receive the gift of the present, are all expressions of getting rid of self to be humble.


Actions that manifest the understanding that:

We are not better than anyone, that we certainly are not know better than the creator of it all.


But in the contrary, we are indeed in need of help and are fortunate to have it offered,


that we are too, in need of forgiveness and are willing to give it,


that we have no control over life but are willing to live it to the fullest.


 

Feels lighter, funner! to live without all the heavy weight that pride puts on top of us to oppress our beautiful essence and potential.

Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall. -Proverbs 16 Finally, I believe that it is that moment where we choose to act in the opposite direction than pride, when we welcome the spirit of love, the very power and hability of God to be master of our situation.

“Blessed Are the Meek, for They Will Inherit the Earth” -Matthew 5:5