I Used to Enjoy Unliving

My everyday was a flower I couldn’t smell -Looking at it was good but missing its fragrance meant missing its essence… AND PURPOSE.

I used to “enjoy” in my oblivion, unaware of the freedom I was missing.

I can’t even say I had a serious longing; I mean, I had some gaps here and there but It seemed like the regular anxiety and uncertainty, “normal stuff”.

Little did I know that soon enough everything was changing and those voids I had accepted to live with would be continuously filled with hope and answers. My whole being was about to not only be full but would start pouring out.

I wasn’t endangering my life before but I was certainly wasting it. As much as I was in a good place -the sun rises and life is good overall- I wasn’t whole. Today I am.

Not saying I am now an expert at living that way, but no matter what, I have a firm ground beneath my feet that holds me up and guides me steadily.

If somebody would have told me what I´m about to say next, I might have laughed, but it is true, I cannot lie or put make up to my own experience:

Throughout the years, different circumstances lead me to realize that I and that around me weren’t just a sum of coincidences; my life, my thoughts, my every single moments and everything around them were whispering at me: God loves you…

The amount of perfection conglomerated into existence was too much to ignore; then one day I attended a christian temple and the whisper became a loud, powerful shout, I began crying as I finished understanding:

God who is LOVE, infinite, perfect love, LOVES ME!

I could see for the first time who I really was. I was unchained, out of a cage, I became a free agent, free of judgment, free to be myself.

Steadily started to gain confidence; not from blowing up myself, but from loving who I am on the basis of knowing who God is and all the powerful things he’s turned on in me; with flaws, with mistakes and full of virtues too. Virtues that matter.

The taste of my present became intense and delicious, I can appreciate it now. Sometimes is rich and dense with many componentes, some sweet, some tangy, some raspy.

Other times it’s simple, full with plane old fashion joy.

However the present moment is, I can trust it’s coming from the life source, the true love, the powerful intelligence behind the perfection of matter, consciousness, and all of that which I don’t understand but exists in the same harmony.

What a relief to know that.

What a relief to know that I am only a human. A sophisticated being, yes, full with vulnerability, with tenderness, with dreams, desires, also filled with the lies that the world’s mindset has delivered on me.

I can chill with myself, thanks to knowing all this truth.

Whatever is coming will only be better because life always finds its way to thrive and I have welcome it.

Before all of these started to build me up I was far from being open to understand that there was much more pleasure to life than what I knew. Maybe I was scared to realize I wouldn´t have access to such things.

This version of reality was off my radar completely. I wasn’t ready to go wherever life was ready to take me.

And that’s the story of how I was rescued by the most tender savior: Jesus.

There’s much more to talk, but meanwhile this covers it.

With love, Adriana.